At times, I take issue with aspects of things that, in general, I enjoy or like. The movie line that seems off (although I am enjoying the movie); the person who must stand too close to me (although I am enjoying the conversation). It is that way, today, with my birthday, which I very much enjoy but dislike the number; like today, which is birthday 57.
I love my birthday; I really do. The fact that the number - 57- bothers me is something I will have to be annoyed with for 364 more days. This annoyance of the actual number isn't that same as the surprise I feel when I think of being 'that old'. I don't feel 57 or any number in the 50s. That separate feeling is of mild shock when I really look at my body, and note what I physically can and cannot do, or my increased concern about safety (like deciding not to go on the roof myself to clean the gutters). Those things I can ignore as I apply makeup, and convince myself I look pretty good or walk longer than my teenager wants to walk before getting tired. No, this is an annoyance I must face every single day. I am 57. 57. Stupid 57.
I asked my 12 year old what he thinks about this quirk of mild annoyance with a number. "I know what you mean! I am 12, which is weird, and soon I will be 13, which is weird!" We continued, as I drove him to his dad's house, on what numbers feel right and which do not. 19 is weird, 21 is both cool (because of what it offers) and stupid because it feels weird. Up the numbers scale we went, and in all, I was so pleased to have my son, my flesh, agree with me that some numbers are just plain annoying.
What to say? "I am almost 58" ? Saying that opens questions, makes me one year older, and forces me to deal with my own feeling of being so close to 60! 60! Now that is a stupid number! For now, I will try on 57, and learn to be comfortable with it, and comfortable with my feelings of getting older. However, I am looking pretty cute today, and expect my friends to tell me that it is impossible that I am 57. Indeed.
You are NOT 57!!! You are the most funnest, funkiest, coolest 57 year old I know! You look fabulous! Best of all, you know who you are now. That's worth a little age on the ole' bod. Wouldn't go back and be 20-something unless I could know what I know now.
ReplyDeleteLove the blog. I'll be interested to see what pops out of Cate's head! I'm sure I'll be laughing my ass off in the days to come. Congrats on the new venture. You go, girl!