So long, 2011!!

I am glad to see this year close out, and to have the promise of a better year in 2012.  I shouldn't blame 2011; its not it's fault, but it was the company it kept that makes me say 'good riddence'.  Many good things happened in 2011, but for the most part, it was a year of struggle, and for a short time, one calamity after another.  Calamity Cate.

Looking forward to a new year is exciting.  It is universally accepted to make resolutions, start fresh, and although I really don't like following the crowd, this is one tradition I fully embrace and in which I like to participate.  Before I say 'hello' to 2012, and farewell to 2011, I want to remember -- and be grateful for the things that went right, and the people who helped make my life wonderful.  

I love watching the Oscars or any award ceremony on television.  The people who are nominated, dressed to the nines, clapping for themselves and for their competition as the nominees names are read.  Then the moment when the winner is announced, and the surprised look (or sometimes the arrogant look, like 'yeah, I knew it would be me') is so amusing.  Cut to the winner at the mic, where he thanks everyone for this moment.  I am a believer, but it annoys me to hear, 'first, I want to thank God..."  like God chose them for this award.  After that is done, the winner reads the names of people who helped them get to this point, with this award, at this moment -- that is a very telling time.  Later, we read in a gossip page somewhere that the recipient forgot to mention his or her mother, or wife, or husband, or publicist.  This is the problem with publicly thanking, publicly expressing gratitude to others.  

Although I am not on the spot, in an uncomfortable dress with my breasts falling out, and shoes I can barely walk in, I still feel the pressure to properly thank and remember everyone and everything that made me feel glad to belong to the human race.  I don't wait to individually thank my friends in a New Year's eve blog; they have been told how much I appreciate them and why.  My friends are my soul, my anchor, and I love them very, very much.  If I wrote all that I was thankful for from them, I would surely miss something or someone, so I will lessen my stress and leave that for private time.

There were surprising 2011 situations that were meaningful, and made huge impressions on me.  My doctor, actually a nurse practitioner, took time to talk to me about my social stress after I thought I was having a heart attack.  "Your heart is fine", she said.  "Let's talk about what is going on with you."  Our talk in that room, with me fully dressed and sitting on an exam table covered with protective paper was worth more than a year in a therapists office.  Husbands of friends made meaningful contributions; one insisting that I be lent a car when mine broke, another helped me in the car search and made it easy for me to make my own decision.  One gave me parenting advice concerning my difficult teen, and even though his wife, my dear friend, and other dear friends told me the same thing, I heard the advice differently.  I grew as a person in my dealing with certain people at work, even though the situation caused me much anxiety at the time, I came out of it understanding myself, and realizing they have no power over me.  I paid off a few bills, was treated to trips and lunches and dinners.  I was able to attend 2 musical plays for free, and my father-in-law kindly helped me late this year, helping me avoid certain financial devastation.

The bad of 2011 doesn't need to be remembered or enumerated except to hold as a reminder of what I no longer want.   I made it through, and the sting of those situations linger, and I am glad they do.

This list is sort of a New Year's resolution for 2012:

• Clear my space by de-cluttering, tossing or giving away as much as I can.  Long ago, I paid Geralin Thomas, before she became famous by appearing in the show "Hoarders", to help me get organized.  She looked at a stack of newspapers and magazines and said, "What's going on here?"  "I am going to read those", I said.  "No you are not.  I promise you you are not going to read them.  Put them in recycling."  Although difficult, I put that huge stack in the recycling bin, and after the truck took them away, I never thought of those magazines again.  Sure, some things thrown away could have come in handy, but it was worth the uh-oh to toss what I may have needed for the 90% of the time when I just did not need those things.  Same thing with the broken lamp I am 'going' to fix, or having a pantry, refrigerator or clothes closet filled with items that are bad, out of date, or not used.  Better to look at a half-full space of useful items than space jammed full of dead or unused anything.  And giving away, throwing away makes my life more real because that stack or pile that I tell myself I must keep because I will be getting to it is a lie.
• Make a commitment to creating something every day.   I would like to do more writing.  I usually write in my head, and man, those articles or story lines are fiiiiiine!  But a writer writes, and a thinker thinks, and I want to perfect my writing not perfect my thinking.  I feel better about my life and life itself when I am creating anything, like an blog post or an article, or sewing something, or experimenting with a new recipe.  I believe that making time and dedicating space to creating should be seriously undertaken,  and not just, for instance,  write when I feel like it, but make dedicated time and a commitment of discipline to writing, sewing, or creating in some way.  This also means enjoying what others create, too, since there is synergy in reading, seeing, and experiencing what others create, and it is a beautiful thing.
• Control access to my time, and my energy.  Long ago, I read an article by John Rosemond, a parenting expert, who advised parents, especially single mothers to not allow children to have 24/7 access to you.  Being the master of my time, and deciding what I do and with whom means I am in control of me, the only person over which I have control anyway.  I always admired people who made decisions for themselves, regardless of what others thought or wished.  With children, especially naturally 'all about me' teens, this has been especially important.  So, no, I cannot take you to North Raleigh, Mr. Man, to see your girlfriend because I am having drinks with friends and that doesn't work for me.  This concept is so incredibly easy, I am surprised I never embraced it before now.  I also will not feel like doing this is somehow selfish or disregards others.  
• Make and chose positive habits, not make tasks for myself.  I always say I will eat more healthy, or exercise more, but I never did fully keep those resolutions.  By saying that I will chose positive habits, I am saying that I am creating a habit, and over time, the habit will be incorporated into my lifestyle.  Of course, repetition is important to creating a habit, so eating vegetables one day a week really does not a habit make.  This requires keeping the habit in mind, not some nebulous chore like "walk 30 minutes a day", which I am sure to fail at.  If my habit is to be more physically fit, I will choose walking more, or choose my meals more carefully, and as I choose my time and activities, I incorporate my habit and not check off some list.
• Attend to what is good for both present and future me.  A recent TED TV video by Daniel Goldstein addressed the battle between present self and future self, and it awakened a different type of thinking on how to plan for my future.  If Future Cate is going to retire in 10 years, what is Current Cate doing for that?  It makes a difference to look at this type of future planning instead of worrying, after reading a Wall Street Journal article, that I need half a million in an IRA or savings or whatever to retire.  How am I going to do that???  If I balance what Future Cate needs by noticing and controlling habits or activities of Current Cate, I may be able to satisfy both.  I know I want to get out of debt, but if I cut everything and live a difficult life for 2 years to do that, Current Cate will be so unhappy, and will resent Future Cate.  There has to be planning, but also temperance.  And, it is all about choices and full awareness; another great thing.

Well, that is it!  My non-goals for 2012.  I hope all of you find a renewal in the new year and make choices that allow you to live and love your life, free of past encumbrances.  Happiest of New Years to all of you!